Book Description
People won’t put up with being “sold” anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up—and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever.
Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you “do to” someone else to get your way. That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleague’s or client’s resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just won’t work in our sophisticated, post-selling world.
In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influence—the kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, Real Influence provides a powerful four-step method you can use to:
• Examine your priorities
• Learn about the key players and what they need
• Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more
• Add value with your questions and actions
Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world “power influencers,” this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all.
From the Inside Flap
Millions of people have read How to Win Friends and Influence People; and while much of the 1930s wisdom of Dale Carnegie’s seminal book still rings true, it also reflects a very different age. Today we live in a more sophisticated and far less trusting world, where good intentions are rarely assumed, manipulative tactics are readily detected, and even subtle persuasion efforts are suspect. This makes influencing much more difficult.
In this post-pushing, post-selling world, influence can no longer be viewed as something you do to someone to get what you want. In fact, real influence isn’t even about what you want. It’s about forging strong connections by focusing on other people’s viewpoints, and, quite simply, giving before asking for anything, and always striving for win-win outcomes.
Now master communicator and bestselling author Mark Goulston teams with esteemed executive coach John Ullmen to show why this kind of “connected” influence is the secret to achieving not only short-term gains, but long-term success. Mark’s popular book Just Listen offered insights into getting through to hard-to-reach people, and it laid the groundwork for the more far-reaching scope of Real Influence. Here the authors provide a blueprint for getting buy-in, agreement, and enduring loyalty from anyone by using authentic communication, empathy, and engagement.
Packed with enlightening stories from the authors’ extensive interviews with high-level influencers—people in business, government, nonprofits, sports, the arts, and more—the book shows the remarkable power of real influence and offers insights for tapping into it, including:
• How to get past the “blind spot” in our brains that makes connecting and influencing impossible
• The simple four-step model that will help you connect with people you thought were unreachable
• Bad influence habits that can disconnect you from your team, your clients, your family, and others
• How listening with a real motive to learn and understand will change a relationship instantly
• Ways to repair a reputation damaged by trying to influence via manipulation
• Why one of the biggest factors in becoming a power influencer is gratitude
Real Influence is a game-changer, helping you build deep connections and lasting influence by using positive, authentic practices that rise above people’s typically self-centered, short-term focus. Its message has the power to transform your outlook, your relationships, your career, and, ultimately, your life.
Mark Goulston, MD, is a business psychiatrist, consultant, Chairman and Cofounder of Heartfelt Leadership, and the author of the bestselling Just Listen and Get Out of Your Own Way. He also writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in major media, including the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Fox News. He lives in Los Angeles.
John Ullmen, Ph.D., is an acclaimed executive coach whose clients include dozens of leading international firms. He oversees MotivationRules.com, conducts popular feedback-based seminars on influence in organizations, and teaches at the UCLA Anderson School of Management. He lives in Los Angeles.
